How to climb the corporate ladder like an athlete

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In our eighth annual Executive Survival Guide, we show you how to do business with an egomaniac, build a brand like Drake, climb the corporate ladder (without stepping on anyone), avoid Snapchat snafus and ditch underperformers—gently. If you're looking for a slightly more formal education experience, we'll also help you find the right EMBA or MBA program.

The novelist Truman Capote was the ablest climber of the last century. He had the dual qualities of the truly desperate aspirant: genuine talent and a suffocating need to get ahead. He enjoyed giving advice on the matter to the little people: "If you want to ride swiftly and safely from the depths to the surface, the surest way is to single out a shark and attach yourself to it like a pilot fish."

He was also a creature of his time. In a small town, he suggested, you tucked yourself under the gills of the wife of the man who owned the Ford dealership. In Detroit, you went for Mrs. Ford. The same rule applied "in Paris or Rome."

In Cold Blood aside, this is where it becomes easy to hate Capote. He was perhaps the greatest American writer of the mid-20th century; knew the Kennedys; spent more time worrying about which parties he was invited to than writing; drank badly; died miserably—a karmic exemplar.

Are you this person? Then, for God's sake, stop.

One supposes you could find the Mr. Ford Dealer at work and ride him up to the Tuesday managers' meeting. Or you could turn to the Internet. Among the recommendations found there: Speak up! Be creative! Sell yourself! There are also dozens of books dedicated to the subject, all of which try to make climbing sound like a healthy choice, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator: The Hippie Guide to Climbing the Corporate Ladder and Climbing the Corporate Ladder in High Heels and The Practical Guide to Climbing the Corporate Ladder One Rung at a Time. You'd be just as far ahead if you showed up at the office with a book called How to Kill Your Boss and Avoid Prosecution.

The books often tell readers to "think like an athlete." One assumes that means something about performing under pressure or ruthless focus. But it doesn't. There's no bullet quote to be gleaned from sports professionals, aside from: "Be incredibly lucky in your DNA makeup. If possible, try to be born to Olympians."

Better yet, just be good at your job.

I've spent some time around athletes, and here's what I have observed about the workplace tactics of the very best of them: They are good at their jobs. You will occasionally run into a weasel/ne'er-do-well. If he can play, he is accepted. If he can't, he's tossed out.

There is no sympathy or favour in a locker room. You'll get all sorts of chances, but if you can't hack it— if you stop being good or squander your talent—you're eliminated. As such, a professional dressing room may be the most honest workplace in the world.

The clubhouse is free of the acrid smell of desperation, that Capote-esque sense that someone's being kept around because they've gamed their way into the spot of a more deserving man. Were you to be seen reading a book about "making it," you'd be finished long before you missed a shot.

In fairness, if they caught you reading Capote, a few of them might think that was weird, too. Even the best working world is a long way from perfect.