From A-Rod to A-Fraud to A-Roid, from Brass Rail to top step. It really is impossible to give Alex Rodriguez the benefit of the doubt.
It's impossible to think the gaudy numbers from this postseason, the camera shots of him gesturing from the top of the dugout to Nick Swisher to lengthen his lead off second base -Abner-frickin'-Doubleday himself - and the way Derek Jeter no longer retreats whenever he's in the vicinity means Rodriguez is close to entering the New York Yankees pantheon.
Can't be done, can it? Try as you might, you keep thinking about the $275-million (all currency U.S.) contract that effectively killed Tom Hicks' ownership of the Texas Rangers, the metrosexual daftness, the on-again, off-again whatever it was with Madonna, the tabloid-titillating dalliance with a woman in Toronto that included a one-hour stop at the Brass Rail strip club.
Then you add in the ham-handed steroid confession on the eve of spring training, and it really does make it hard to face that scariest of thoughts: What if Rodriguez's performance in the recently-concluded American League Championship Series really means he has finally found peace with his inner dimwit? What if the 14 hits, five home runs and 12 runs batted in during the playoffs mean he and actress Kate Hudson really will do the happily-ever-after routine? What if he really meant what he said when he referred to hitting "rock bottom this spring, between the embarrassment of the press conference and my career being threatened with my hip injury?"
After New York's 5-2 win on Sunday over the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim gave the Yankees their 40th pennant and moved them into the World Series against the Philadelphia Phillies, Rodriguez said he "felt like a 10-year-old," and then went back even further.
"I've wanted to do this ... to be in a World Series ... since I was five," he told the television cameras.
Yankees manager Joe Girardi believes a pivotal moment for his team happened when Rodriguez came off the disabled list following hip surgery and slugged a three-run home run on the first pitch he saw.
The turning point of Game 6 of the ALCS occurred when Rodriguez drew a bases-loaded walk on a 3-1 pitch from John Lackey that was a strike in the mind of everybody but home plate umpire Dale Scott. As Rodriguez stood at first base after the go-ahead run had crossed the plate, you could see him mouth the words, "That ball was a strike."
There was surprise on the face. Not smugness. He is no longer reviled here, and even the Page Sixes of the tabloid world have warmed to him. I don't know if Hudson's any kind of hitting coach, but in a lot of ways that only matter in this city, she's been good for him.
And so the Yankees are back in the World Series for the first time since 2003, when they were upset by the Florida Marlins. They really are a new team in a new stadium and for all the history of the old Yankee Stadium, let it never be forgotten that the final on-field World Series celebration was actually staged by the Marlins, who beat the Yankees 2-0 in Game 6, were owned by a Yankees season-ticket holder (New York art dealer Jeffrey Loria) and whose payroll of $48.75-million was $103-million less than that of the Yankees.
The Marlins flew in the extended families of all their players and employees for that game. All of them were on the field an hour after the traditional clubhouse celebration, swigging champagne and posing for pictures.
The Yankee Stadium grounds crew asked owner George Steinbrenner if he wanted the stadium lights turned off, and Steinbrenner responded angrily, "What the hell for? They deserve it. Let them have fun."
Having moved uneasily into his dotage, Steinbrenner has turned the operation over to his children, and while he will be at the new stadium tomorrow night for Game 1 against the Philadelphia Phillies, he watched the ALCS clincher at home in Tampa. It was left to his son, Hal, and daughter, Jennifer Steinbrenner Swindal, to be doused with champagne in the Yankees - Jeter doing the honours as unapologetically as he used to do it when it was The Boss making his rounds.
This celebration really did have a different feeling.
The sell-out crowd actually sang along in unison to Frank Sinatra's signature New York, New York, while younger players such as Phil Coke played the roles of conductors. Coke later came out to spray fans with bubbly.
But perhaps the most memorable snap shot was a photo that graced the tabloids yesterday morning: Rodriguez, Jeter and Mark Teixeira rushing in together, arms open wide, for a $644-million group hug after the final out. If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, the champagne certainly will - as will the sneaking suspicion that maybe Rodriguez has finally learned to stay out of his own way.