Only in the NHL would octopi be so news worthy.
Recently, in its infinite wisdom, the NHL ruled that only linesmen can remove splattered octopi off the ice. Furthermore, the league decreed that anyone (other than a linesman) who took such slimy matters into their own hands would be fined $10,000 (US).
That effectively squished a Detroit Red Wings' tradition at Joe Louis Arena, one that saw Zamboni driver Al Sobotka pick up a lifeless sea creature and twirl it over his head like a cowboy spinning a lariat.
Apparently, only NHL linesmen are highly trained enough to handle a dead cephalopod.
Now there's this shocking development: Michigan residents will be banned from buying octopi at a Pittsburgh fish shop.
Dan Wholey, the owner of Wholey's Fish Market in Pittsburgh, has gone on record saying he will not allow any Michigan hockey fan to buy octopi at his establishment during the Stanley Cup final. This is to prevent Red Wings' supporters from littering the Penguins' home ice at Mellon Arena with the mini-version of the thing that tried to eat Kirk Douglas in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
Wholey has gone on record saying he'll refuse to sell octopi to anyone in a Red Wings' jersey or anyone he even suspects is from the Wolverine State - and, by the way, isn't it great that Detroit fans don't throw wolverines onto the ice instead?
How will Wholey know if customers are from Detroit if they're not wearing a Red Wings' jersey? Wholey said he has an ear for mid-western accents. Failing that, he'll probably try to trip them up with a leading statement such as:
"Gordie Howe, now there was an over-rated hockey player."
"Steve Yzerman couldn't carry Mario Lemieux's shin pads."
"Do you like the taste of octopus or do you prefer the sound it makes when it lands on a clean sheet of ice?"
Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with seeing flying octopi at a hockey game. I also believe The Dead Cephalopods would be a fine name for a rock band.