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Wells Fargo and The Female Quotient recently published an intriguing research study about money taboos, called "Our Secret Numbers." The survey explored a wide range of questions on personal finance attitudes -- why people are afraid to talk about money, and what it takes for people to achieve better financial health.

The survey had interesting findings about differences in how men and women relate to their money and their personal financial success. There are valuable insights here that can help people understand their relationship with money -- and perhaps achieve greater financial success.

Let's look at a few little-known reasons why people's beliefs and social conditioning might be holding them back from financial wellness.

1. Many people would rather talk about drugs than money

The survey found that, despite money being a big preoccupation and source of stress, many adults are reluctant to talk about their personal finances:

• 63% said that money is "a significant source of stress."
• 45% of adults surveyed said they feel embarrassed talking about money or their personal financial situation with other people.
• 1 in 4 adults have never shared personal finance numbers like their savings account balance, their credit score, or their spending amounts, with anyone.

Money is such a personal, sometimes uncomfortable topic, that people would rather share their prescription drug history than talk about their credit score. The survey found that 81% of adults have shared the number of prescriptions that they've taken, but only 71% have shared their credit score with other people. The only information more taboo than money is people's number of romantic partners: only 65% of adults admitted to sharing that number when talking with friends.

2. Financially healthy people talk more about money

It's understandable that if people are struggling financially, they might feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. If your credit score is less than good, or you have racked up credit card debt, or had some bad luck with investments, it can be easy to want to keep that information to yourself.

But the survey suggests that talking more often about your personal finances could be beneficial to your financial well-being. The survey found that people who are happy with their financial situation are more likely to share their personal finance numbers (salary, debt, credit score, etc.) with other people in their lives. Does this mean that all those people with great credit and well-stocked bank accounts are bragging?

I think there's a more hopeful interpretation of this data: If you're struggling with money, you shouldn't have to suffer alone. Talking about money might be good for you. Talk to someone about your personal finance issues, even if it's just one or two close friends that you trust. This can help you break the silence and relieve the stress around your money problems, and might even lead you to some helpful ideas and solutions.

3. There's a big gender gap in financial confidence

It's an unfortunate fact of life: there is a gender pay gap. As of 2022, women earned about $0.82 for every $1.00 earned by men. Not only do women tend to get paid less than men, but women also tend to face other challenges throughout their working lives that make it harder for them to invest in the stock market and build significant wealth.

Along with the gender pay gap, the Wells Fargo/Female Quotient survey shows a gender gap in financial confidence. Even though men and women both value financial wellness (74% of women and 76% of men said that "financial health is important to living my life"), men and women have different levels of happiness about their personal finances:

• 42% of women are happy with their financial situation, compared to 58% of men
• 51% of women are confident in their financial management, compared to 65% of men
• Men are more likely to talk about their financial health with a financial professional (29% of men vs. 20% of women)
• Women are more likely to say that they don't talk to anyone about their financial health (35% of women vs. 26% of men)

Men were also much more likely than women to describe their relationship with money in positive terms like Disciplined, Strategic, Satisfying, Relaxed, and Proud. Women were more likely to describe their relationship with money as Stressful, Frustrating, Exhausting, and Embarrassing.

Bottom line

There's no easy answer to the problem of improving people's financial health, especially when you consider the structural and systemic problems of the gender pay gap. People receive powerful social conditioning from a young age based on what kind of family they grow up in, how their parents and relatives handled money, and what money topics are acceptable to talk about. Men and women often have different levels of power and freedom for who is allowed to talk about money, share good news about career success, and exert influence with their finances.

But if you want to improve your personal finances, it might help to start by talking to someone. Your credit card debt, credit score, and financial struggles don't have to be a painful secret. Getting those numbers out into the open might help you feel less alone -- and see your money challenges in a new light.

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