This is Thelma & Louise for the 70-plus set: the threat isn't hick rapists so much as a foreign-language GPS system in a stolen rental car. Dynasty star Joan Collins is Helen Shelley, a Hollywood diva intent on crashing her ex-lover's funeral. Her partner in crime is Priscilla (Pauline Collins of Shirley Valentine), a mousy wife berated by a loathsome husband in a sweater vest. Thanks to a badly contrived plot, the women become fast friends and zip off to France.
Director Roger Goldby tinkers with important issues around aging, only to steamroll it all with a slipshod script. Helen knows full well her expiry date has come and gone: "Actresses cannot get old in Hollywood." We see her being infantilized by staff at a nursing home – not your typical cinematic fare.
Escaping, the women seduce a wealthy silver fox (Django's Franco Nero) and smoke a joint for arthritis pain (very Grace and Frankie). But Thelma and Louise they ain't: dead-weight chemistry between the actresses makes this the road trip from hell.