Every so often, as I sit stewing in my anti-Porsche, I'm overwhelmed by the futility and madness that is my daily commute. There I am, just another fish swimming around in the bowl we call traffic congestion. It's the bane of modern existence and it's costly. A 2014 report by the City of Toronto found that congestion costs $6-billion per year. It reached this finding by identifying the "core cost of gridlock" – which involves multiplying the amount of time each person wastes in congestion by the value of their time.
Some cities are looking to carbon taxes and congestion fees to solve gridlock. Others are getting more creative. Last month, for instance, the City of Milan announced that it intends to pay people to cycle to work. In recent years, Milan has experienced record air pollution. Those behind the initiative believe paying people to bicycle will relieve congestion, reduce pollution and increase overall health. While the fee has not been finalized, cyclists in a pilot initiative in Pisa, who were tracked by an app, were paid €50 ($74) per month. The move was inspired by similar 2014 initiatives in France and Belgium that had moderate success.
Pay to bike? It has a nice ring to it. Canadian cities, which have demonstrated an aversion to taxes and toll roads, could try this. Yet, if you ask me, the plan could be improved. Why stop there? Why not pay commuters to do all sorts of beneficial things? Why not suit the payment to the person? Why not get creative? The pay to cycle phenomenon may only be the beginning.
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- Let’s start paying people to cycle. It will lessen traffic and pollution and make people more fit, which will reduce health costs.
- Let’s pay good-looking people to wear revealing clothing while they cycle around between 4 p.m. and 7 p.m. Monday to Friday (happy hour) between April and October (patio season).
- Instead of issuing tickets, let’s make people who rack up huge parking fines ride stationary bikes to work.
- Let’s pay serious cyclists – you know, the guys with the pricey Pearl Izumi shorts and Besv Lion LX1 bikes – to ride 1960s-era “Wheelie” banana-seat bikes designed to look like chopper motorcycles. We can call it “Wheelie Wednesdays.” Will lighten mood of “Hump Day.”
- Let’s pay anyone who will unicycle to work $15,000 per year, but only if we get to throw stuff at them while they do it.
- Let’s pay people who own old beaters to gently bump them into the cars of people who take two spaces instead of one when they park, leaving small dents.
- Let’s pay them extra to drive off without leaving a note.
- Let’s pay everyone who owns a minivan to have bumper stickers that read: “If the van is a rockin’ call 911 – I’ve finally lost it.”
These suggestions may seem a bit ridiculous, a bit outlandish even. The reality, however, is that they're less ridiculous than what our cities and governments are currently doing – which is nothing. Congestion is costing billions and harming our health. Emissions are destroying our air and environment and what's the most innovative solution we have? The status quo. Here and there a new road, here and there a new bicycle lane. Little fixes when what we need is a transit revolution.
So here's to paying people to cycle to work. Here's to buying people commuter skateboards and telling them, "Knock yourself out." Here's to a free pair of Asics for anyone who promises to walk to work. Here's to anything that will alleviate the hell that has become our daily commutes.
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