What's the most sanitary way to greet someone right now?

Dear Mr. Smith: In a time of swine flu, is it really rude to avoid shaking hands with people you meet? How about suggesting a fist bump, the way celebrities with OCD are allowed to do? And what about French-style cheek-kissing? Shouldn't it be deplored?

In other words, does a hysterical fear of disease give us licence to be rude? Do we really want to behave like people with the (really serious and not at all funny) obsessive-compulsive tendency? That's like suggesting it would be cool to become bipolar.

Listen, it has always been dangerous to shake hands with people. You have always had to wash your hands after a social event to avoid everything from colds to warts. But showing a vulnerability is the whole point of the custom: It originated in showing that one had relinquished one's weapon. Flesh-to-flesh contact is a sign of trust. It's probably even more important in a time of fear. If we all became cold and reserved in response to a disease, we would all, in a sense, have caught it.

Cheek-kissing is a more troublesome custom, if only for social reasons. It is practised in some places and not in others; the number of kisses varies; the people you are supposed to kiss are not at all clear.

Here are some guidelines: In Canada, both French and English, the number of kisses is two, one on each cheek. You do not have to actually kiss any flesh, just touch cheeks. In English Canada, kissing as a greeting is practised only in the large cities. Don't try it in small towns or the country. Wherever you are, it is only for friends - that is, for people you already know well. You do not kiss people on first meeting them. You do not kiss your professional contacts. It is unadvisable to kiss the people you work with.

If you have worked with people for years, of course, you end up becoming friends with them and, after a few after-work drinks, the kissing starts and then it muddies the waters, as you are kissing some colleagues and not others. I do not have any solution to this; I kiss some of my bosses and not others. (And yes, a few gay guys also air-kiss men in Toronto and Montreal, so I sometimes kiss guys as well.) The only useful rule here is: If you are at all unsure about whether to kiss, don't. Just stick out your hand instead. (And then wash up carefully before dinner, maybe adding a blob of sanitizer, which you of course carry in your briefcase or bag.) You may resist social pressure to kiss too if you don't feel like it or if there is a creepy guy who may be into it for more than social reasons.

But these are all social issues, not medical ones. Am I going to give up the pretty and sexy and basically joyous practice of kissing my friends because I'm afraid of getting the flu? If I did, I might as well stay home and watch TV.

Ask Mr. Smith a question or view the complete archive at Russell Smith's online advisory service, DailyXY.com.