THE QUESTION
I find one of my coworkers incredibly annoying. The tone of her voice and the sound of her laugh puts shivers down my back. She’s not doing anything against company rules, I just find her personality incredibly grating. It’s come to the point where I dread days in-office and I actively avoid running into her in the break room. Aside from praying for her resignation, how can I make my days in the office more bearable?
THE FIRST ANSWER
Keka DasGupta, corporate trainer, Art of Life-ing, Toronto
It’s okay to not like everyone at work. Some people are a better fit for us than others. Feeling mildly annoyed from time to time by colleagues is also common. Such feelings can naturally arise and then dissipate without causing much disturbance.
However, if you’re getting shivers down your back, and feeling grated by a coworker’s idiosyncrasies, especially when she isn’t doing anything untoward, it’s possible she is inadvertently triggering something dormant inside of you.
Have you considered why your colleague’s mannerisms are giving you such visceral responses? Often, what underlies strong feelings of annoyance are a sense of helplessness, frustration or even latent anger. Could it be that this person reminds you subconsciously of someone from your past who made you uncomfortable? Could her tone or laugh be eliciting old, unpleasant memories?
Lean into your feelings with some candid self-reflection. Define that process with what makes you comfortable – be it speaking to a trusted friend, self-talk, journaling, meditation or even taking advantage of mental health resources that are available to you. You deserve to not feel taxed at the office. Understanding your emotions can be a first step to managing them.
Also, while this may seem counterintuitive, consider getting to know your coworker better. Discover more of her story, her background and her personality to help you identify commonalities, and perhaps even build familiarity and appreciation. Introductions that begin with searing animosity, that then turn into fast and close friendships – these happen more often than you might think.
THE SECOND ANSWER
Jennifer Houle, head of global talent management, Coeuraj, Victoria
While not a novel issue, this is quite common as more organizations return to the office. Being in situations that require us to spend a significant portion of our day interacting with others feels new again. For many of us, we need to re-adapt to not being able to ignore annoying coworkers by simply closing a tab.
Instead of praying for your coworker’s resignation, consider what aspects of this situation are within your control. This requires introspection, starting with acknowledging that everyone brings unique qualities to the workplace, contributing to a diverse and vibrant environment.
The most effective way to get past someone’s general annoyingness is to humanize them. Is there anything about her that you do like or, better yet, tolerate? Is she good at her job? Do you have anything in common? It may seem counterintuitive, but getting to know her better and understanding her perspectives and interests may make her less annoying.
If direct interaction is too much too soon, use headphones to drown her out or decorate your workspace with calming items like plants and artwork; do your best to create a sanctuary you can escape to.
Ultimately, remember that the only factor you can control is how you let this co-worker affect you. And for all you know, you might be the grating employee sending shivers down someone else’s back. How would you want them to proceed in this situation?
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Andrea Yu