‘Work cannot love you back’: Determine your key vitality indicators for success

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“Dear Work,

Too often you take over my life. And when this happens, my priorities, happiness, and even my confidence seem to hinge on you. It’s impossible to ignore that the pace, the intensity, and the sacrifices all come at a high price. I know it, and those who love me have let me know it, too.

The thing is, the satisfaction and energy I get when you are going well are not far-off memories. Some days are amazing and I remember exactly what I love about you. But if I’m honest, the gaps between the good days are getting bigger and most days it feels like I’m just treading water.”

That letter was penned by Toronto-based leadership consultant Sara Ross, but may feel like something you might write. It couldn’t be sent for obvious reasons, but getting out her frustrations was helpful.

“No matter how much you give to your work and sacrifice in the name of passion, dedication and loyalty, work cannot love you back. There is only one person in your relationship with work, which means that the only one who can fulfill your plea for change is you. If you wait for work to change, you’ll always feel stuck,” Ms. Ross wrote in her book, Dear Work.

When she wrote that letter, she was in what she calls the survival zone: a pervasive state for many of us, her research suggests. We crave the standout zone, where we feel alive, motivated and fulfilled. Unfortunately, when we feel as if we’re drowning, our natural tendency is to reach for outlets that help us feel less exhausted and stressed. Instead, we need to act to feel more energized, which can involve seeking more challenges and thus stress.

That vitality can be monitored through what she calls key vitality indicators, or KVIs, a set of benchmarks that represent what it feels like to be firing on all cylinders. To develop them, think how you feel mentally, emotionally and physically when you are at your best.

“For example, when you are firing on all cylinders from your standout zone, perhaps you feel clear-minded, patient, able to untangle complex problems and are more willing to brush off the little things and feel more grateful for the important things. Maybe you stay curious and ask more questions, think more strategically and articulate your thoughts and expectations more influentially,” Ms. Ross wrote.

Her own mental vitality indicator is “focus,” emotional indicator is “open” and physical indicator is “energized.” Those will vary over the day and week, but she says you must ensure you don’t shortchange yourself on the activities that protect, nourish, replenish and reinvigorate your sense of vitality.

You’ll also want to identify red flags, signals you are heading in the wrong direction, back to the survival zone. Again, this will come on three fronts: Mental, emotional and physical energy.

“Throughout your day, you can ask yourself: on a scale of one to five (with one: you are running on fumes, and five: you are firing on all cylinders), how are my KVIs trending? Begin by checking in with yourself before the start of your workday, once throughout the day, and when you are shifting from work to home.”

As well as warning about the red flags, Ms. Ross cautions about four beliefs that are success traps: loving your work makes you burnout proof; always being available to help demonstrates your dedication; your work ethic demonstrated by long hours is your competitive advantage; and holding yourself to the highest possible standards fuels your best work. She stresses there is nothing wrong with loving your work, helping others, being driven and striving for excellence – the values at the core of each success trap – but you need to be sure you are motivated by what is in your best interest.

Otherwise, you could end up writing a frustrated “Dear Work” letter.

Quick hits

• Leadership consultant Mike Robbins says the one thing standing between you and the kind of relationships you want is a 10-minute, sweaty-palmed conversation that you’re too afraid to have.
• Harvard Business School lecturer DJ DiDonna found in a study that sabbaticals are often being taken at a younger age, even by people in their late 20s. He notes work can start when a person is in their teens, followed by university, and the gruelling work at the start of a career. To be fresh, a sabbatical can be attractive and helpful as greater challenges emerge. His advice: Take it as early as you can.
• Editors at The Muse offer this question to ask when it’s your turn in a job interview: What types of skills is the team missing that you’re looking to fill with a new hire? Also: Do you expect the main responsibilities for this position to change in the next six months to a year?
• The trick to viewing feedback as a gift, suggests author James Clear, is to be more worried about having blind spots than hearing about them.

Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former chief executive officer of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn’t Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.