Calgary domestic violence program that focuses on men hailed as a model example

Open this photo in gallery:

A Calgary program where men voluntarily join to address their angry and abusive behaviours is being hailed as a model example of the kind of resources needed to reduce rates of domestic violence that have been growing across Canada.

Kim Ruse, executive director of FearIsNotLove, said the organization’s Men’s Counselling Service challenges toxic understandings of what it means to be a man – that they’re unemotional, dominating and aggressive – and seeks to transform clients’ frame of mind when reacting to emotionally-charged situations. The program allows men to see themselves as a candidate for help, instead of unworthy or incapable of change, she said.

The Men’s Counselling Service began in 1991 under the Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter, which has only recently been rebranded as FearIsNotLove. Although data doesn’t date back that far, since 2002, more than 5,600 clients have participated, in addition to 580 of their partners who receive separate supports.

Despite this program showing tremendous success in changing men’s abusive behaviours, services of this kind are limited across Canada. Most government funding addressing problematic behaviour goes toward reactive programming that help victims flee abusive relationships. Gender-based violence experts argue there should be a greater focus on preventative programming, especially as the COVID-19 pandemic elevated levels, and the severity, of domestic abuse.

Rates of intimate partner violence in the Prairie provinces are among the highest in Canada. Alberta, for instance, exceeds the national average of 540 women victims per 100,000 people at a rate of 610 last year, according to Statistics Canada. This includes instances of sexual assault, battery and homicide.

Eighty-six per cent of women whose intimate partner attended the Calgary counselling program said that, as a result of the therapy, they now felt physically safe with their partner, concluded a 2021-22 report prepared by FearIsNotLove. The same report said about 70 per cent of participants felt more in control of their actions, and 66 per cent felt confident they could respond to challenging situations without being abusive.

Ms. Ruse said the brilliance of what the organization did 30 years ago was to recognize that continuously building shelters, while necessary, would do little to address the root problem of intimate partner violence. There needed to be a program available to address relationship dynamics, power, control and violence.

“If we’re only working with one side of the equation, we’ll be building shelters forever,” said Ms. Ruse.

What makes the Calgary program unique is that most clients are there voluntarily. Although there are some individuals who have been mandated by the courts to attend therapy, FearIsNotLove does not report on their progress externally. The program involves individual therapy sessions and group meetings on a range of topics, the most popular of which is about how to be a caring father.

Ms. Ruse said they use a response-based approach with clients where counsellors ask the men where they want to improve, and then build on those goals to positively impact their relationships – not just with intimate partners but also children, friends, and colleagues.

“I am better able to recognize, verbalize and describe my emotions before they become problems,” said one unnamed client in the FearIsNotLove report.

In contrast to the success of the Men’s Counselling Service, programs that serve individuals referred through the courts – either through a diversion program ahead of trial or by a probation office after a custodial sentence is completed – have come under scrutiny by anti-violence experts for being ineffective.

In Ontario, for example, Kadeem Nedrick was enrolled in the Partner Assault Response (PAR) program after being charged with strangling and threatening his partner Brittany Doff’s life. When he failed to show up for his mandated sessions, PAR staff discovered he was back in jail after being charged with second-degree murder of Ms. Doff.

Katreena Scott, Western University’s academic director of the Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children, said one of the barriers to increasing more preventative supports is “pessimism about the possibility of change” even though there have been studies that show this type of work can avert the start, or escalation of, domestic violence.

“It’s going to take some time. It’s going to take some political willingness and it’s going to take some funding,” said Ms. Scott.

She added that the average counsellor does not have the expertise in gender-based violence to appropriately support men who perpetrate violence, which can leave many people unsure where to get help. Ms. Scott said more counsellors need to be trained in this work and that there needs to be more touch-points – through family doctors, for example – to connect men to specialized services.

Aamir Jamal, an associate professor in the department of social work at the University of Calgary, said engaging men in gender justice also requires an understanding of how culture, religion and social factors shape someone’s life and their outlook on women’s roles.

Dr. Jamal works with men in Canada and abroad – in countries such as Afghanistan and Pakistan – and said his research shows one of the most effective ways to shift men away from violence is to help them understand how it affects children, and the community at large. He uses support from religious texts to aid his work, in addition to encouraging men to be vulnerable – sometimes for the very first time publicly – about the pain, hurt or anger that influences their behaviours.

“One man told me the only time he touched his father’s body was when he was dying,” recalled Mr. Jamal. “He cried in that moment. This was the first time that he got the opportunity to share and then we started talking about the importance of men’s emotional well-being and its impact on family.”

Mr. Jamal stressed there can be no generalizations when conducting this work and while awareness of these services is growing, it is only “just the beginning.”