Are you tired of having money? Buy a car — your problems will be over. Cars cost money, no matter what state they are in. When cars break down, they need repairs. When they don’t need repairs, they need maintenance. Both cost money, lots and lots of money.
It is a universal truth. What is more nebulous, however, is the amount of satisfaction one gets from repairing an automobile. What, for instance, is the least satisfying sort of car repair? What is the car-repair equivalent of fixing a house’s foundation? Repairing a foundation, while a critical overhaul, is entirely unsatisfying. When it’s done you can’t even see it.
What is the automotive equivalent of an unsatisfying repair?
Let’s say replacing a windshield is very satisfying - a 10 out of 10. It has to be done and you look through the windshield every time you drive. What’s on the low end of the scale?
I can tell you that paying for brake repairs is a three out of ten. In March, I replaced the front brake pads, rotors and sensors. I paid for a repair kit, brake pad wear sensor, brake disk, brake installation kit, inner hex bolt, brake pad paste and a bunch of other stuff. I paid for labour. It was a supremely unsatisfying repair that cost upward of $1,000. It was like paying to have a cavity filled. It has to be done because if you ignore it, it can get very serious, but it’s not satisfying.
The damage to Andrew Clark's Mini Countryman tire after hitting a pothole on Lake Shore Boulevard in Toronto in April.Andrew Clark/The Globe and Mail
What about paying for a flat tire repair and a tow truck?
Last weekend, while driving along Lake Shore Boulevard in Toronto, a congested road plagued by construction and the ravages of winter, there was a violent thump underneath my Mini Countryman. My heart went into a freefall. Lake Shore is not so much a road full of potholes as it is a kilometres-long rectangular pothole marked by the occasional stretch of road. My Mini’s warning system declared tire pressure was low and I felt a “tug-tug” on the right passenger side.
The Mini has Bridgestone run-flat tires. In 2023, four of my run-flats had been punctured by August. You can drive on run-flat tires, so when my latest tire blew, I managed to pull into a parking lot near Exhibition Stadium. Some claim run-flats are notoriously vulnerable to puncture, and that they are called “run-flats” because if a car with run-flat is running, then one of its tires is probably flat. Someone in advertising might brand run-flat tires as “puncture-friendly.”
Examining the damage, I found a full blow-out with rubber ripped and flapping open. Total puncture. I called CAA and waited in the spring sunshine. While it was annoying to have yet another flat tire, I was relieved to have a tow. I’ll give it a six out of 10. It would be higher if I’d been rescued by a tow truck after spending time stranded on the side of a highway getting cursed by other drivers.
While it was annoying to have yet another flat tire, Andrew Clark was relieved to have a tow. He gave it a six out of 10 for cost versus satisfaction.Andrew Clark/The Globe and Mail
Here’s my breakdown of cost-versus-satisfaction scores for typical repairs. Others may have a different scale; each driver has their own priorities.
- Mending broken rear taillight that I damaged when I accidentally grazed the fence on our driveway. Not expensive but a very unsatisfying repair as it was entirely my fault exacerbated by the fact that I occasionally roll my eyes when my wife (who has never damaged the car in such fashion) is slowwwwly backing up – 3/10.
- Brake cable repair. Moderate cost. In many 1970s detective shows people are killed in crashes because of a faulty brake cable. I could have died – 8/10.
- Punctured tire repair when I have a warranty and there is no cost – 9/10.
- Repair dent in Dodge Grand Caravan rear passenger’s side door. More than $500. Pillar in parking garage suddenly leapt up and struck the car (see above mentioned wife) – 4/10.
- Repair driver’s side view mirror that I saw another driver scrape off as he drove by – 5/10.
- Bi-annual maintenance. Moderate cost. Feels like going to the gym. When I drive my car afterward the car feels healthier – 8/10.
- Air conditioning repair. Very expensive and I feel guilty. Have I gotten soft? The answer is, “Why, yes of course.” The fact I am willing to pay good money for automobile air conditioning - which growing up I was taught was the embodiment of decadent waste - proves it. – 4/10.
- Transmission repair or replacement. Prohibitively expensive. The least satisfying form of repair. If you are paying to replace a car’s transmission it means you can’t afford to replace your car (at least that was my experience). I basically put my car on life support – 0/10.
What’s the most satisfying form of automobile repair? That’s easy. Buying a new car. It’s really expensive and really satisfying.
Andrew Clark