The year 2016 will be remembered for many things. It was the year Prince died, it was the year Donald Trump was elected, it was the year we continued to ignore climate change, it was the year Lay's introduced "Chalet Sauce" flavoured potato chips. So far as the automobile was concerned, it wasn't too awful. If you were a fan of hatchbacks and crossovers, for instance, 2016 was the year for you. They continued to rise in popularity.
The biggest story was the continued evolution of autonomous automobiles. The race toward our self-driving future has begun. In 2016, cars became more connected, and a part of what used to be quaintly referred to as the information superhighway. It seemed like every week there was a new development.
What's in store for the automobile enthusiast in 2017? Where should the industry devote its energy in the year to come? Most automotive CEOs and executives know they can call me any time for advice. But they're a shy bunch and I haven't received many (read: any) calls.
In an effort to get the creative ball rolling, here are my top three automotive trends to look for in 2017.
Cars for dogs
Only one animal enjoys driving more than humans do – dogs. There is nothing a canine likes more than getting in the car and sticking its head out the window. Is there anything on earth that looks more blissed out than a dog in a moving car? Their eyes light up, their mouths widen into a doggy-smile. Dogs love automobiles.
It's only a matter of time until self-driving technology matures to the point that we can have self-driving cars for dogs. It's the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of automobile evolution. Logically, there's no way they should go together but man do they. This is an enormous potential market. Pet lovers spend big bucks on animals. Self-driving cars for dogs will revolutionize the driving experience.
Car Tinder
Cars and sex go together. True, sex and everything goes together but there has always been something seductive about a shiny new ride that leads to the proverbial paradise by the dashboard light. A 2014 study conducted at the University of South Dakota found 33 per cent of males had sex while driving, nine per cent of women as passengers, 81 per cent gave or received oral sex, 13 per cent had full intercourse, 11 per cent masturbated, and all while going an average of 61 to 80 mph. Uber recently had to issue a formal statement telling patrons, "No sexual conduct with drivers or fellow riders. No matter what."
Self-driving cars will be an automotive aphrodisiac. There's already Grinder and Tinder but drivers are going to need an app designed specifically to allow them to hook up behind the wheel. The app would tell sexually excited motorists in autonomous automobiles with other like-minded drivers who are looking for a little love on four wheels.
The app could identify not only the drivers' characteristics (height, hair, favourite post-modern novel), it would also list the automobile's qualities. For instance, "Porsche 911 seeks Audi S4 Sedan for mutual oil change and battery check." Maybe they could call the app "Fender," "Wiper" or "Cinder" because it's hot and in reference to the blocks.
Someone is sued for that weird Dodge commercial
Car commercials are horrible. They're designed to create a feeling of inadequacy that results the viewer buying a new car. This fall, we were treated to one of the most deranged car commercials ever produced. It's the "Dodge Black Friday Event" ad in which two families driving Dodge Hemi SUVs stare each other down and then engage in what appears to be an extremely dangerous high-speed drag race through a small town with Christmas trees strapped to the roofs of their cars.
They brake just as a light turns red. I'm not sure who this twisted commercial is aimed at, but I do know that they shouldn't be driving. I'm just waiting for some street racer to get arrested and then claim it's not his fault because "The Dodge Black Friday Event commercial told me to." Then the lawsuits will start flying.
There you have it. Happy New Year. The future looks bright. In 2017, keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road.
Sign up for our newly-designed weekly newsletter
Like us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram and Twitter
Matt Bubbers explains why cars such as the Tesla Model 3 and Chevrolet Bolt are worth waiting until 2017 to buy a new car.=
Andrew Clark