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Celebrity photos of the week: The world loves you, Sharon Stone!

All captions by @captionperson

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Let’s start things off on a high note, shall we? Here’s veteran comedy writer Bruce Vilanch, looking dapper and slightly deranged at the 2013 Mark Twain Prize for American Humor ceremony in Washington, D.C.

JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS

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Here’s veteran comedy star Tim Conway upon discovering that he’s sitting beside Bruce Vilanch at the Mark Twain ceremony

JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS

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Also in attendance was that fine Canadian star Martin Short, shown here getting into character as Ed Grimley for a sketch at the Mark Twain event. He’s still got it!

JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS

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For reasons unknown, the Twain organizers invited Lucie Arnaz, still milking fame from being Lucille Ball’s daughter and underscoring the point by wearing one of her late mother’s old ‘Here’s Lucy’ housecoats for the occasion

JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS

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More sartorial snark, you say? Sure, why not. English actress Ruth Wilson wears a form-fitting dress made of either neoprene or shower curtain to the premiere of ‘Saving Mr. Banks’ in London

PAUL HACKETT/Reuters

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And here we have Emma Thompson, the star of ‘Saving Mr. Banks,’ demonstrating her pluck for the swarming paparazzi. What’s the only thing more English than a single thumbs-up?

PAUL HACKETT/Reuters

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Okay, we get it

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Also making the scene for ‘Mr. Banks’ was the Irish actor Colin Farrell, somehow looking even more dour than usual. There must be some way we could cheer him up...

PAUL HACKETT/Reuters

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Yep, neoprene works every time

PAUL HACKETT/Reuters

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Elsewhere in London, TV actress Kat Dennings dutifully poses with a huge hammer at the premiere of ‘Thor: The Dark World’

LUKE MACGREGOR/REUTERS

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As did the ever-accomodating Tom Hiddleston, who plays the evil villain Loki in ‘Thor: The Dark World’

LUKE MACGREGOR/REUTERS

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And so did Natalie Portman, except she was fortunate enough to have somebody shield her with an umbrella

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‘Hey there, Missy,” asked Tom ‘How come you get an umbrella and we didn’t?’

Jon Furniss/Jon Furniss/Invision/AP

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‘Because only one of us is an Oscar-winner, you nit,’ replied Natalie

Joel Ryan/AP

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Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, a whole raft of famous people showed up to pat their own backs at something called the Hollywood Film Awards Gala. Among the more glamorous attendees were Matthew McConaughey and his ex-model wife Camila Alves. Don’t they look thrilled?

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Ditto for director Steve McQueen, shown here attempting to conceal his excitement at winning ‘Breakout Director Award’

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And just look at the face of Jake Gyllenhaal in this photo. Where’s that old-time Tinseltown celebrity excitement?

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Ah, that’s more like it. Musician Jared Leto desperately clutches his ‘Breakout Performance Award’ while attempting to curry favour with Robert Downey Jr.

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Which naturally lead to fake Hollywood hugging. I love you, Iron Man.

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At some point during the evening, Julia Roberts attempted an intervention with Sean Penn in hopes of getting him to stop going to tanning beds

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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But the real action was in Warsaw, Poland, where Sharon Stone was summoned to accept the Nobel Peace Summit Award from the Dalai Lama, no less. Here, she offers up a human heart to her dark masters as former Polish leader Lech Walesa looks on horrified

AGENCJA GAZETA/REUTERS

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Of course, you could say the Dalai Lama was sort of nonplussed about the occasion

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While in Poland, Ms. Stone refrained from doing her ‘Basic Instinct’ leg-crossing routine, but she did flash the peace sign a lot and taught locals how to say ‘woo-woo’

AGENCJA GAZETA/REUTERS

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When forced to sit through the speeches of fellow Nobel laureates, Ms. Stone texted her housekeeper to remind her to tape ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’

KACPER PEMPEL/REUTERS

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And once she knew the cameras were on her, Ms. Stone immediately put on her big non-prescription eyeglasses, because everyone knows that people wearing glasses are, like, smarter, right?

KACPER PEMPEL/REUTERS

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Woo-woo!

DARREN ORNITZ/REUTERS

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