This week, the B.C. government unveiled its "Skills for Jobs Blueprint to re-engineer education and training."
The plan involves shifting education resources to areas where there is a high demand for skills training, namely the liquefied natural gas sector.
The shift isn't just affecting postsecondary education; according to the plan, the kindergarten to Grade 9 curriculum will also be reworked to provide "relevant hands-on training" and to "excite" students about the prospect of working in the trades.
That means reaching children as young as five years old – when some of them may still be learning their ABCs.
A is for Alberta, so rich in oil resources, But if B.C. wants its fair share we'll have to change our courses.
B stands for Bitumen – it's sticky, black like ink, We'll pump it into tankers and hope that they don't sink.
C is for Cenovus, a major energy exporter, They earned a quarter-billion dollars just in their last quarter.
D is for Drilling, boring deep into the earth, Unlocking the gas, but also increasing our net worth.
E is for Enbridge, some people say they're bad, But they're planting trees and saving fish – I saw it in an ad.
F is for Fracking, where we smash apart the rock, The tap water doesn't catch on fire, that's just silly talk.
G is for Government – they're graduating learners, Who have no clue how the world works, but we're top-tier among earners.
H is for Halliburton – a giant in our field, They're good at shredding documents so secrets aren't revealed.
I is not a word we use, you won't find it in team, We're all in this together, one great big B.C. dream.
J is for the Jobs Plan – our road map to success, They have a cool website with people wearing vests.
K is for Kilometres – the thousands we will travel, To get to jobs in places north where roads are made of gravel.
L is for Liberal Arts and other wastes of time, We're training to be put to work, not study Peter Grimes.
M is for the Markets – it's where we'll sell our gas, We hope that by the time we ship, demand has not collapsed.
N is for Natural – the N in LNG, Like organic quinoa, kale and beets – it's good for you and me.
O is for Opportunity – we won't let pass us by, A once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing that we cannot deny.
P is for Petronas, another major player, Investing big and building rigs and silencing naysayers.
Q is for Quota, the amount of gas we'll need, To run this at a profit or to satisfy our greed.
R is for the Revenue if all of this should work, It's enough to pay off B.C.'s debt with lots of extra perks.
S is for Successful – which is what we hope to be, By focusing on nothing else but gas and energy.
T is for the Terminal we'll build in Kitimat, We'll make it home and raise some kids or maybe get a cat.
U is for University, a place of deeper knowledge, But we're directing funding to the new vocational college.
V is for Veracity which our numbers sometimes lack, Our math can be creative, and no we're not on crack.
W is for Water, we use lots of it to frack, What happens to it after? We're not really keeping track.
X is for eXcited, it's what we're meant to be, When learning about our future jobs in gas and energy.
Y is for Yes as in "getting to yes" which our Premier says a lot, I'm not sure just how that works, I'm only just a tot.
Z is for the Zealots who don't agree with our position, We'll spend a tonne of cash on ads and beat them to submission.