This column is part of Globe Careers' Leadership Lab series, where executives and experts share their views and advice about leadership and management. Follow us at @Globe_Careers. Find all Leadership Lab stories at tgam.ca/leadershiplab
Every executive leader has to deal with a direct report who is a challenge, who is a high-spirited stallion. After all, that's one of the reasons we hired that person.
I had the opportunity to work with such an individual who taxed me at every turn. Although I captured a glimpse of his dark side during the hiring process, I had no idea how dark it was.
From the moment I appointed him to his general manager role, every interaction was painful. Every conversation with him was a conflict moment – strained and extremely tense.
Every issue resulted in a protracted argument that left me exhausted and frustrated.
He was was uncoachable, choosing to go toe-to-toe rather than collaborate and let me add value to help him. Everything was a battle.
He was arrogant, choosing to not listen, and would do his own thing. In fact, the situation worsened to the point that he was upwardly condescending and demonstrated the same behaviour to my boss and my fellow executive colleagues.
On the positive side, he was an extremely bright individual with all the credentials and competencies that could enable him to move ahead in the organization.
He was passionate about his ideas and wanted to play a significant role in the company's future.
As time passed, matters tanked. His colleagues and direct report team complained to me about his actions and even threatened not to work with him. And our relationship continued on a downward spiral.
Left unbridled, he was surely going to crash and burn and leave roadkill along the way.
I thought long and hard about the intervention I had to make.
In the end, I decided to not follow the more traditional approach of calling him into my office, reviewing his misdemeanours, and putting him on a "measured mile" to allow him to either get with the program or face the ultimate consequence of his actions.
I chose to simply tell him how I felt about our relationship and how his behaviour affected me personally. My strategy was not to ask him to do anything with the information I gave him; rather to just take it in and think about what I had to say.
My logic was that he would be naturally inclined to debate the facts with me, but he could never debate my feelings. They were mine and mine alone and could not be judged by anyone else as being either right or wrong.
I told him that I felt that he didn't like me or respect me.
I told him that I felt disappointed that he was unwilling to accept my help as his coach.
I told him that I felt that we had no positive relationship at all, which saddened and disappointed me.
And I also told him that I expected nothing of him; that it was up to him to act on what I had to say or not.
This declaration of my feelings did more than knock the wind out of him; it crushed him emotionally. He had no idea how his style affected me.
Sharing my feelings with him had an amazing impact on our relationship.
Overnight he turned to the bright side not just for me but also for everyone around him.
He was happier, more productive and making the contribution he was capable of making.
Sharing feelings. Appealing to the heart, not the mind.
It worked for me.
Roy Osing (@RoyOsing) is a former executive vice-president of Telus with more than 33 years of leadership experience. He is a blogger, educator, coach, adviser and the author of the book series Be Different or Be Dead, dedicated to helping organizations and individuals stand out from the competitive herd.