Around the turn of the century, Qatar decided to use sport as a vehicle to attain international relevance.
The petro-empire's ruling family has since spent hundreds of billions of dollars to that end. Through a series of investment vehicles, Qatar has acquired foreign sports teams, sports networks, venues, broadcasting rights and one of the globe's biggest sporting events, the 2022 World Cup.
Now comes the part that proves all money ever really buys you is trouble, especially when the purchases are human.
Until 2022 rolls around, Qatar's highest-profile bauble is the arriviste soccer super-club, Paris Saint-Germain. PSG is a little-loved outfit with no real history in France, but the Qataris have spent stupid amounts trying to buy it a pedigree.
Last month, PSG paid $325-million for Brazil's Neymar, more than doubling the world-record transfer fee.
"Once a country controls a club, everything is possible," Arsenal manager Arsène Wenger muttered.
Since it already had its credit card out, PSG agreed to pay another $240-million for French teenager Kylian Mbappé.
So far, so ridiculous.
Neymar said a bunch of nice things about ambition, the challenges to come and the club's "millions" of fans (it rarely sells out its own Paris stadium).
But everyone knew Neymar had come for two things – the money (a reported $55-million a year, after tax) and the spotlight. He'd had to share it in Barcelona and that had plainly bothered him.
The buoyant feeling around the club lasted about a month.
Before Neymar's arrival, PSG already had a superstar forward, Uruguayan Edinson Cavani. He was a little put out by all this fuss.
In a Sept. 17 match, Cavani burst. There was a little shoving match over a free kick. Neymar won that round.
Then, when Cavani was setting up over a penalty late in the game, Neymar tried to take over again. Words were exchanged. Cavani would not back down.
According to local reports, Cavani said the most hurtful thing he could think of to Neymar: "And who is this? Do you think you're Messi?"
PSG tried to play down the spat, but it quickly spiralled. Neymar unfollowed his teammate on Instagram, the modern sporting equivalent of slapping someone at a funeral. Then he apparently demanded the team sell Cavani.
The Qatari owners reverted to form, trying to spend their way out of the problem.
It was reported that PSG offered Cavani a €1-million bonus if he would agree to let Neymar take all future penalties. Cavani refused.
A lot of things get reported in soccer that are nowhere close to true. As a general rule, teams ignore them.
In this case, PSG released an official statement categorically denying the bonus story.
Which means it's almost certainly true.
PSG's domestic squabble is only one of Qatar's gathering sports problems.
Qatar's $200-billion (U.S.) World Cup project has come under consistent fire from human-rights groups because so many of the guest workers doing the building have ended up dead. Human Rights Watch issued another warning this week, accusing Qatar of obscuring data that might point to hundreds of heat-related fatalities among outdoor workers.
The only reason to spend so much on a World Cup is to buy prestige. We're still five years from the tournament and that's already out the window. In the minds of most people, World Cup 2022 will be the first played on a graveyard.
Another of Qatar's jewels is beIN Sports, an arm of the state-owned Al Jazeera network. beIN has spent huge swaths of money buying up the right to broadcast the world's top soccer leagues into the Gulf, Africa and Asia. Its eventual aim is to be the world's premier sports broadcaster, a sort of Sky-ESPN hybrid.
Owing to a political dispute between Qatar and its neighbours, the network has recently had its signal blocked in some countries, including Saudi Arabia and United Arab Emirates. Its crews are being barred from entering some countries and its journalists hassled by authorities. It's a mess with no obvious end.
Qatar got what it wanted. Sort of. It is now a major player in world sport. People who didn't know the country existed 10 years ago know it now. But many of those associations are contemptuous or comic. Qatar is the rich neighbour who has spent a decade building a McMansion that may never be finished.
Its last, best hope to turn history's most expensive ad campaign around is PSG.
If that club captures a European title, it may – emphasis on may – have all been worth it. Qatar's national team does not have a snowball's chance in Qatar of doing anything in 2022. If the country's going to buy a winner, this is its only worthwhile bet.
On Wednesday, PSG took a healthy step in that direction, eviscerating Bayern Munich 3-0 in Champions League play.
The headline out of the result wasn't the dominant win. It was the ongoing Neymar-Cavani feud. Neither man would look at the other during the match, never mind share the ball.
All the link play was left to poor Kylian Mbappé. Whenever Mbappé passed to one combatant, the other shot him a lingering death stare.
Cavani scored the game's second goal. Neymar refused to come over and embrace him.
When Neymar scored, Cavani repaid the favour. It was like watching a divorced couple play together.
Late in the match, Cavani missed a sitter and dropped to the turf in frustration. Cameras caught Neymar running back up the field, laughing at him.
The good news – there were no penalties.
Of course, there have been plenty of instances of successful teams led by players who despised each other (though they've usually covered it up a little better).
But there has never before been one where a multibillion-dollar national program was riding on the hope that two co-workers who hate each other can still find a way to do their jobs.
Cathal Kelly