Isn't television great? Daily, I slap my forehead in amazement. (Be careful with the slap-happy thing, by the way. You can do yourself an injury. I did once.) Surprises and delights just keep coming.
On Monday, I was twittering away here on the subject of the Fox network's O.J. Simpson special, If I Did It. Fox needed a big ratings boost, I suggested, and here it was, tied in with a book from another division of the network's corporate owners. On Tuesday, I was chuntering about the satire-friendly times we live in.
Then the news came, like a thunderbolt - Rupert Murdoch, originator and owner of the Fox network and all that his company, News Corp., peddles, had succumbed to finer feelings. He had cancelled the O.J. TV special and book.
Obviously, the inhabitants of the domain of Hades are putting on their mitts and tuques, because hell has frozen over.
The entire entertainment racket believes that the weather in hell has changed. It must be true. The racket is abuzz with speculation and, as so often happens in these circumstances, there are "frequently asked questions." These FAQs can be summarized as follows: 1) Rupert Murdoch actually has a heart? 2) Rupert Murdoch can actually feel shame? 3) Now what will the Fox network do for a fourth-quarter ratings boost?
In truth, these FAQs miss the point. The only relevant question is: Why?
Here's why - there was the possibility that the viewer ratings wouldn't amount to a big score for Fox and, thus, there wasn't enough money to be made.
In the days after the announcement that the two-part O.J. special was coming, a squall of revulsion struck some parts of the United States. A number of Fox station affiliates, possibly 12 in all, announced that they would decline to air the special. That would reduce the numbers in the Nielsen ratings. Some outraged people were floating a proposal to boycott advertisers on the TV special. So, if advertisers grew nervous about peddling their wares on the program, revenue would be reduced. No mon, no fun.
Even as this scenario became apparent, however, News Corp. tried to salvage something from the situation. Yesterday, a spokesman confirmed that the company had contacted representatives of Nicole Brown Simpson's and Ron Goldman's families. The families were offered all profits from the Simpson book and TV special. The families said: "No thanks." And, according to an Associated Press story, News Corp. denied that the offer was "hush money," saying there were no strings attached.
Think about it - Fox's parent company manoeuvred to wash its hands of the profits but keep the ratings boost that would ensue from the special airing.
That ploy failed, the affiliates were pulling out and the advertisers were getting nervous. There was no profit - literal or virtual - for Fox. The cancellation was a business decision, not a matter of morals and taste.
Dragons' Den (CBC, 8 p.m.) reaches its conclusion tonight. According to CBC, "The season finale takes a surprising twist when the secrets of the den are revealed." What that means is that viewers will catch up with some of those who pitched the more wacky business proposals to the "dragons" with the moneybags. There have been some memorable pitches, ones that said more about the cheesiness of the show and the greed of the dragons than about the reality of starting up a business.
There was the woman with her Bikini Weenie idea - a hot dog stand staffed by women in bikinis. There was nice man who, at the age of 78, had a portable barbecue idea that won over the dragons. Well, of course. The man was essentially selling control of his good idea for a pittance.
The show has done reasonably well for CBC and the broadcaster crowed about the increase in viewer numbers from the first episode. That's nice, and it may have delivered more viewers to the fifth estate. Tonight's the fifth estate (CBC, 9 p.m.) has a follow-up to its sizzler about lottery fraud in Ontario. The original program on lotteries told the story of an 82-year-old who proved he had been cheated out of one-quarter-of-a-million-dollar lottery winnings by a corner-store clerk. Now the program looks at scratch-and-win games - "how they have been manipulated by retailers and how the OLG [Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp.]kept quiet about a problem with the tickets," CBC says.
Madonna: The Confessions Tour, Live from London (NBC, 8 p.m.) is two hours of Her Madge doing her thing. NBC calls it "an astonishing stage spectacle." Indeed. Put on your disco pants, people. Among other ditties, Her Madge will perform I Love New York: "I don't like cities/ But I like New York/ Other places make me feel like a dork."
What? Madonna confesses that she feels like a dork? Don't go slapping your head, but that's a Fox TV special waiting to happen.
Dates and times may vary across the country. Check local listings.
jdoyle@globeandmail.com