Cary Wolgelerenter: Family man. Social worker. Immigrant son. Gentleman. Born Sept. 18, 1939, in Toronto; died Jan. 27, 2022, in Toronto, of complications of Parkinson’s disease; aged 82.
Cary Wolgelerenter.Courtesy of family
Cary was born into an Orthodox Jewish family. His parents were going to name him Carl, but his uncle (himself named Carl) claimed there were already too many in the family. The uncle suggested “Cary, like Cary Grant,” instead. A movie star’s name for a sweet, humble man.
Cary grew up in downtown Toronto. Before he learned English at school, he spoke Yiddish at home. His father and uncle ran a kosher slaughterhouse in the Kensington Market neighbourhood. When Cary was 10, his older brother died following a protracted illness. This devastating experience was part of what shaped him into a compassionate person who appreciated everything in life.
Cary was a quiet and reserved guy but he had guts when it counted. His children loved to hear the story about the time his whole class had to line up to receive the blow of a ruler as collective punishment for the misdeed of a classmate. Rather than accept the ruler, Cary grabbed it and tossed it out the window. He then bolted home to his father who came back to threaten every bone in the teacher’s body. Shy Cary also took a big risk when he met his wife, Miriam. His cousin, working as a psychiatrist, told him about a good-looking student nurse on the ward. Cary looked her up in the phone book and asked her out. She was relieved when a handsome man in a dapper suit showed up in his car to take her out. It was only later that she learned that the suit was a hand-me-down and the car was owned by his parents. By then she was smitten and agreed to marry him within a few months of their first date.
The first in his family to attend university, Cary sometimes felt the pressure of being the only surviving son of immigrant parents. He agreed to study law but abandoned it early because his heart wasn’t in it. He moved to Winnipeg with his new bride to get a master’s degree in social work from the University of Manitoba. He would always remember this period, and the city of Winnipeg, with great fondness. Cary’s career pivot led to a rewarding 36-year career at the Children’s Aid Society of Toronto. He was admired by his colleagues, with one describing him as “the teddy bear of the agency.”
Cary was different from many other dads of his generation. He put his kids to bed, read them stories and was often the only dad who showed up to school functions. His four children – Daniel, David, Ali and Debbie – knew they could count on him. So did their friends. Once, late at night, Cary got a call from another father thanking him for driving his daughter home. Without missing a beat, Cary said, “You’re welcome.” Later, Cary relayed the message that while he wasn’t angry, his daughter’s friend couldn’t use him as a cover to lie to her parents – but he never ratted her out.
Cary literally wouldn’t hurt a fly. (He would attempt to release them outside.) He was a terrible cook, but loved to eat and looked for any excuse to treat his kids and grandchildren to a “heartburn special,” or a favourite chocolate bar. He was never in a rush. (He frustratingly took side streets to get his travelling kids to the airport.) Quiet and unassuming, he hated to be the centre of attention, but championed others and looked forward to celebrating their milestones and accomplishments. He was content with his lot in life and never felt the need to impress anybody. This humble and sweet gentleman made a surprisingly big impact on everyone around him.
Ali Wolgelerenter is Cary’s daughter.
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