People go trick or treating in the rain on Halloween in Ottawa in 2019.Justin Tang/The Canadian Press
Corey Mintz is a writer living in Winnipeg.
Friends, we are doing Halloween wrong. Wherever you live, whenever the next election takes place and whatever the ballot issues, I promise you one thing: If I am elected to be your prime minister, premier, MP, MPP, MVP, mayor, city councillor or student council president, Halloween will be officially moved to Oct. 3.
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The evening on which we currently and ridiculously celebrate Halloween – Oct. 31 – may be a mild evening in California, or even Pennsylvania. But in Canada, that late in the fall, it is reliably cold. Costuming our children as kitties, Draculas or astronauts, then demanding they wear coats and mitts on top of their outfits, is a major buzzkill. And between freezing our own butts off while arguing with our seven-year-olds about zipping up their jackets, it’s no treat for parents either.
In most of Canada, by the end of October, it is already bitterly cold. If you’ve got kids, you spend the earlier part of the month in some combination of thinking, planning, discussing, negotiating (”No, you can’t wear a bathing suit”), buying, sewing or mending a costume for them. It’s only at the last minute that we remember, or accept, that the costume will be insufficient clothing. Then we begin the arguments (“But nobody can see my tail if I’m wearing a coat!”) and renegotiations (“What if you carry my jacket?”). One friend perpetually attempts to steer her children toward costumes that can double as weather-appropriate clothing, such as “Arctic explorer.” My daughter’s favourite assertion, one she thinks is a checkmate, is that she likes to be cold. Why are we setting ourselves up for these fights?
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I’m not trying to hide behind the “won’t someone think of the children” tactic. Every twentysomething on their way to a Halloween party is being unfairly forced to cover up the body they’re trying so hard to present via professional-themed fetish gear. This isn’t just about the suffering of kids. This is for every sexy nurse, sexy pirate, sexy Batman, sexy sex worker, sexy janitor, sexy librarian and sexy Mario. Must their evenings be ruined too, as they are forced to cover their carefully revealed body parts with heavy coats?
The solution is simple – make Canadian Halloween earlier.
What political or religious factors are gluing our feet to the poorly chosen calendar date of this children’s holiday?
It’s not a religious event. It’s not a civic holiday. The date doesn’t commemorate any historical figure, cancelled or otherwise. Halloween evolved from the ancient Celtic ritual of Samhain, marking the night before their new year (does our new year start on Nov. 1?), when they burned crops and animals as sacrifices to their gods, wearing masks to disguise themselves from the spirits of the departed who returned that night to visit. Unless the ancient Celts have a well-funded lobby, there’s no political opposition.
I propose Oct. 3 for Canadian Halloween (the birthday of Canadian scream queen Neve Campbell feels appropriate). Now, friends, picture this. It’s just a month into the school year. The days are still plenty warm, the nights starting to introduce a welcome cool from the summer heat. A breeze blows colourful leaves down the sidewalk. You’ve talked about getting the winter clothes down from that box in the closet, but haven’t needed to yet. As the sun begins to set, a parade of ghosts, witches and trademarked Disney characters marches down the block, bare fingers clutching sacks filled with snack-sized Canadian treats such as Coffee Crisp bars and ketchup chips. Parents follow, sporting classic fall looks – perhaps a sweater dress, or a shirt collar peeking beneath a crewneck. Maybe even – if you’ll excuse a little aspirational folksiness – maybe even a cardigan. Behind them, a sexy Borat and a doctor covered in fake blood walk languidly, with plenty of time to get to their party, and no need to huddle in a cab for warmth.
Doesn’t that sound better than the practical joke of a Halloween we currently observe?
Much of tradition is the tyranny of routine. We do things a certain way because we’ve always done them that way. Change is not part of any system. But really, there are no obstacles to moving up Halloween.
This will not affect supply chains. By the first week of September, pumpkins are ripening and every supermarket in Canada has already set up Halloween displays. I’m starting to see retailers dismantle their barbecue sections in mid-August, replacing them with racks of Iron Man costumes and bat decorations. By the end of September, my local supermarket dedicates so much floor space to Halloween candies, boxes boasting 50 or 120 individually wrapped treats stacked in rows seven feet high, you could build a house out of bite-sized Snickers bars.
America won’t care if we celebrate Halloween a month earlier. We already do that with Thanksgiving, and they hardly ever notice (speak with someone from Chicago in mid-November and they’ll ask you if you’re “going home for the holidays”). Every few years, a U.S. food editor asks me how Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving, surprised to learn that we do it exactly the same, just on a different date. It wouldn’t matter to Americans if we observed Halloween by standing on our heads or binge-eating the green tops of carrots.
Unlike my opponents – who don’t seem to care if your child is cold on Halloween – I make you no promises about balancing Canada’s trade deficit, about the state of our health care or education systems. But I vow this one thing: A vote for me is a vote for a better Halloween. I’m Corey Mintz and I will move Halloween to Oct. 3.
And just to cover our bases, we can still burn livestock to appease Celtic deities. Depending on local zoning bylaws.