The Maple Leafs need big changes, not empty words from MLSE CEO Keith Pelley

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On Friday, the leadership of the Toronto Maple Leafs promised to examine all possibilities as they continue to try to build a winner.

First thing I’d check – the water.

Is it possible that there is some sort of contaminant in the pipes at 50 Bay St. that saps human mojo? That turns interesting, accomplished people into glassy-eyed, ineffectual cliché machines? I’m not saying you shouldn’t go there, but if you do, bring your own Pellegrino.

Friday was the first chance for new Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment CEO Keith Pelley to make an impression.

Pelley brings with him a reputation as a cannon loosed on deck, rolling around pleasantly, greeting everyone by name, right before he crushes them.

He started strong – literally, by speaking first. The implication was that he, and not team president Brendan Shanahan, is now in control of the Leafs.

“I can assure you that no decision will be made, like the decision [to fire coach Sheldon Keefe], without a detailed analysis that provides us the best chance to win,” Pelley said.

He didn’t turn to point and stare at Shanahan, but he might as well have.

And that was it.

That media conference continued for 40 minutes, but that was the last meaningful thing said by any of Pelley, Shanahan or GM Brad Treliving.

He’s been here a month and Pelley has already fallen into the Toronto Way of Doing Things – broad statements that sound like promises and aren’t, heavy emphasis at the end of short, meaningless sentences, a lot of dipsy-doodling around specifics.

For instance, here’s Pelley on his mission statement: “We need to win. Nothing else matters. No doubt, you’ve heard that before. But I am 1,000-per-cent committed to it.”

(Right now, someone in HR is writing a memo to the future president of MLSE: ‘Minimum commitment to winning – 5,000 per cent.’)

A reasonable person would think that a 10-times-what-is-mathematically-possible-commitment to winning would entail a lot of change.

So what’s changing? Nothing.

The Leafs are going to do what they do every year – think about doing something. This year, they may seriously think about doing something.

Pelley didn’t even have the bottle to make a pledge he can walk back later. After 15 minutes of blather, someone threw him a life preserver. Because everybody in the Leafs organization is now fully committed to winning, when will this winning begin?

Pelley’s answer: “It is impossible to put a timeline on that.”

Are you sure you want to keep reading? It only gets worse.

Like most of his predecessors, Pelley is another one of those guys who rolls a trolley up to your table and makes a great show of constructing a Caesar salad. For 10 minutes, he whisks up words like “chemistry,” and “commitment” and “responsibility.” At the end, he rolls away, without having handed you a salad. He knows you’re too hungry to risk leaving.

This act requires someone who speaks with mind-numbing precision to go along with the great generalist. Treliving played Jeff to Pelley’s Mutt.

The CEO wants to win at all costs. The GM is there to explain why that’s not going to happen.

Treliving identified the Leafs’ two key problems – scoring goals and the power play.

Next year, Toronto has more than half its payroll dedicated to four guys who are supposed to score goals, especially on the power play. Sooo …

It was pointed out to Treliving that his team has never had the best goalie in a postseason series. He agreed, and added that to the list of problems. Luckily, no one asked about defence.

So what do the Leafs need to get better at? Hockey. They are not good enough at hockey.

How exactly do they do that?

“There are times that you talk about patience,” Shanahan said. “However, when you see patterns persist, and results don’t change, you have to adjust the way you think about things.”

This is the guy who runs the hockey team saying he’s considering switching things up. But because it’s Toronto, that line was delivered with the portentousness of Moses smashing stone tablets.

Other, bigger clubs in other, bigger sports do take winning seriously. You lose a championship game at Real Madrid? You’re fired. Who’s ‘you’? Everybody.

They hire you at Bayern Munich to score goals when it matters and you don’t do that? Thanks for your help. Hope you have better luck in the Turkish Super Lig.

Pelley mentioned Liverpool in his remarks. If the Leafs carried on like this in Liverpool, they’d be spending 50 per cent of their cap on bodyguards and razor wire.

The difference isn’t that those clubs are better run. It’s that they operate in competitive marketplaces. If they don’t succeed all of the time, someone will take their spot. When they fail, the consequences are immediate and ruthless.

The Leafs don’t have this problem. Amid the blizzard of platitudes, the most telling thing Pelley said had to do with his impression of Toronto after a decade in Europe.

“This city is certainly different than it was nine years ago. And one of the ways that it’s different is there’s even more Leafs’ fans, and Leafs’ nation is even bigger than it was then.”

That’s the real takeaway. This team has done nothing but disappoint since Pelley left town, and as far as he can tell, it is thriving.

To paraphrase a great villain, losing is good. Losing is right. Losing works. At least for this team in this city. The worse things get, the more people care.

“We’re not here to sell jerseys,” said Pelley, whose only job is selling jerseys. Whatever he thinks of this fan base, it does not involve a great respect for their intelligence.

This was the afternoon’s real disappointment. Watching MLSE’s designated change agent turn into another high-school Knute Rockne once he gets anywhere near the Leafs. Whatever it is, it’s contagious.

So the Core Four era is dead. The Pelley era has begun. Good luck telling the difference.