Think back to the last time you were hit in the face. Not particularly hard. Just a little smack.
Did you toss your head back hard enough to snap a vertebrae? Did you begin backpedalling so hard you put a friction burn in the rug? Did you throw yourself to the ground in the hopes that just maybe someone had laid out a full turtle pool behind you?
No, you did not. And why did you not?
Because you are an honest person and, by virtue of being over the age of three, that sort of thing is beneath you.
In unrelated news, LeBron James had a rough Saturday. By his standards, a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Saturday.
He spent much of it swanning about the Air Canada Centre as if he'd been hit on the noggin with a carnival mallet. He did this in a transparent attempt to put various Toronto Raptors in foul trouble. It worked occasionally.
The most egregious came during a first-half confrontation during which James was inadvertently tapped in the chin by his own teammate, Tristan Thompson. Sensing a chance, James reacted as if he'd been looking into an accidentally lit cannon and caught a ball in the mouth.
He reeled backward. He sprawled onto the ground. He lay there for a moment wondering how the world can be so unfair. It was laughable. That's how most people in the arena reacted. They laughed. Officials gave Toronto two fouls on the play.
LeBron James weighs about 260 pounds and has 6 per cent body fat. He has the balance of an Olympic gymnast. If you want to knock him down, you'll have to be behind the wheel of a Buick.
But James just can't help himself. He has a sneaky streak that runs the width of a Soviet boulevard.
This was his second dive of the night. In the first quarter, Kyle Lowry – who is nearly a foot shorter than James – tapped him lightly in the back. James launched himself in the air like he'd been pushed out a window. The playacting sent an incredulous Lowry to the bench, sitting on two early fouls.
Saturday's performances (Thespian Edition) add to James's outsized reputation as the worst sort of chancer. In terms of all-time great flops, James is up there with Reggie Miller, Cristiano Ronaldo and New Coke.
You understand why scrubs cheat. They need to take every advantage they can.
Why the most gifted player of all time does it so regularly is a mystery to everyone but James himself. When asked about it after the game, he quoted Jay-Z. It wasn't very illuminating.
Strangely, James's shabby behaviour added to rather than detracted from a great occasion in Toronto.
The building was as loud as it's ever been. Led by DeMar DeRozan (32 points) and Bismack Biyombo (26 rebounds), the Raptors did everything right. Un-led by Kevin Love and Kyrie Irving (a combined 4-for-28), the Cavaliers did most things wrong. Toronto won 99-84, ending Cleveland's perfect post-season run.
Enjoy it, but don't get it twisted. The Raptors aren't going to beat the Cavaliers in the NBA's Eastern Conference final.
They aren't going to stop James for any length of time. But on Saturday – with a lot of help from James – they were able to embarrass him.
While the best player in the series was doing his very best to steal one from his opponents, the referees were doing their best to help out.
James got the close calls. The Raptors got none of them.
Afterward, Toronto coach Dwane Casey was in a controlled froth. Unprompted, he mentioned the disparity in fouls over and over again. He just happened to know the free-throw discrepancy during the first three games: "73 (for Cleveland) to 46 (for Toronto)."
"We shot zero free throws in the fourth quarter. Zero," Casey said darkly. Then he said it again.
Casey understands there is no conspiracy against Toronto. There is only the bad habit of giving an all-star all-star-type calls. James is a rather large level above that. He gets LeBron calls. And he's been getting plenty of them.
The best example of how it works the other way was a clear-as-clear-can-be Biyombo block on James that was called a foul. The mistake was so obvious, all Biyombo could do – again – was laugh.
But despite James's crooked efforts and the referees' willful blindness, Toronto managed to sneak one. They did it with the best adjustment of all – being better.
Cleveland is still the best team in this series. James is still the best player.
But on Saturday at least, the honour as well as the glory belonged to Toronto. That's something to hold on to.
Cathal Kelly