Every scandal worthy of the name deserves just that -- a name. The federal sponsorship scandal, in which the Department of Public Works arranged for enormous payments to a few Quebec communications agencies for doing little or no work, should have its own special moniker. When I suggested as much in the previous column, readers sent in their nominations.
A couple noted that writer Andrew Coyne, who has his own web log -- blog for short, a cross between an on-line diary and a sharing of enthusiasms -- had already asked his visitors for likely terms. His net captured the marvellous offering Gens du Payola and the more concise Adscam, which some commentators have gleefully adopted. As well as combining ad (advertising agencies) and scam, it echoes the U.S. Abscam bribery scandal of the late 1970s, when FBI agents posed as Arab sheiks and offered bribes to public officials and businessmen. Abscam, short for Arab scam, was the investigation's code name.
Word Play's mailbag was similarly enriched. There was general agreement that the suffix "gate," as in Watergate, had been overused. Charles Crockford and Hilary Stone independently suggested Sponsorslip. Crockford also proposed the Money-Shuffle Kerfuffle, which has the makings of a good dance tune, and added: "Since it happened when Prime Minister [Jean]Chrétien was captain of the good ship Canada, perhaps it shouldn't be the Mounties that are handling the investigation, but Jeandarmes."
John Bar and Kevin Weech both figured that sponsorshipwreck might cover it. Les McIlroy, recalling the controversy over Chrétien's involvement with an inn in Shawinigan, suggested Shawinagain. Alastair Fairweather, noting the political damage done to Prime Minister Paul Martin, transformed the name of the touring rock concert series Lollapalooza into Paulapaloser. Since one of the Liberal-friendly communications agencies was Groupaction Marketing Inc., he also suggested Liberals' Groupie Action.
Cam French proposed Scamboozle and added, "But what number?" Fred Moyes wrote that, in light of "the number of high-ranking Liberals who have thrown up their hands and claimed desperately, 'I knew nothing! I saw nothing! I heard nothing!', perhaps we should call the federal sponsorship imbroglio the Schultz Affair, after the inimitable Sgt. Schultz of Hogan's Heroes." Alanna Little, playing on the presence of pork-barrelling, snouts at the trough, hogwash and depleted piggy banks, suggested Swinedle. " Animal Farm also comes to mind," she wrote.
Steven Hellebust proposed Improperganda. Ariel P (that was the signature) played on the name of Alfonso Gagliano, who was public-works minister during the scandal. Ariel's proposal: Imbrogliano.
Louis Desjardins said he was partial to CanScam, which would be a good name if scandals ever qualified for their own Crown corporation. And, playing on Chrétien's nickname " le p'tit gars" (the little guy) and his desire to leave a political legacy, Desjardins proposed Legarcy.
All of them nicely put the sore in sponsorship.