Why are you watching television when it's so nice outside?" I heard it from my mother and hear it now from the missus, and more often. Over a lifetime I've come up with only one mewling response: There's nature out there.
Summer's here and the time is right to get back to the great outdoors, say the TV weathermen. For some people that means drinking on a patio, but for many more Canadians the onset of warm weather brings cottage life, camping and general hinterland exposure. Fine for some, but send me the postcard.
Roughing it in the bush sounds romantic until you actually get out there. I've always found it more civilized to take in nature from the TV perspective. Why expose yourself to bugs and maybe bears when you can watch Costa Rican bullet ants bite Stephen Baldwin on I'm a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! ?
On most Friday nights the vicarious outdoor experience of choice occurs on Mantracker (CITY-TV, 8 p.m.). For three seasons the Canadian-made series has followed professional tracker Terry Grant as he chases city folk through the woods.
Filmed in some of this country's densest forest regions, Mantracker boasts a blunt setup: Each episode challenges a two-person team to navigate a 40-kilometre course over unforgiving terrain. Each team gets a compass and a head start, and then comes the Mantracker.
This is no fake reality race. The team tries to beat the Mantracker to the finish line, but it almost never happens. The very serious-looking Grant is a 25-year veteran of the Alberta Foothills Search and Rescue Team, and the man knows his stuff. He also has the advantage of chasing the players on horseback, which lends a nice cowboy feel to the show.
And, for whatever reason, it's immensely satisfying to watch Grant take his witless victims down a peg. Tonight the one-man posse pursues the college-buddy team of Josh and Kyle, two IT types and aspiring filmmakers dropped into harsh environs near Elliot Lake, Ont. The chase barely begins before the pair become hopelessly lost in the woods, and with no breadcrumbs to follow. Get 'em, Mantracker.
Moving further afield, the fine series Departures (OLN, 8 p.m.) takes viewers to foreign locales probably better experienced from a safe distance.
Tonight, world travellers Scott and Justin take the long trip to Mongolia. Once out of the airport, they spend four days in vans and on horseback to reach the encampment of a nomadic tribe, where they stay in humble accommodations and partake of local customs. An engaging travelogue, though better them than me.
And what if the weather is bright and sunny tomorrow? I can mow the lawn next week. The siren call of Word Travels (Saturday, OLN at noon) is too strong. The series follows the world journeys of Robin Esrock and Julia Dimon, two travel writers who figured out they could get more free trips if they took video cameras along.
This week the duo are in the Philippines for divided exploring duties. Robin heads to the island of Palawan and the northern tip of El Nido, famous as the inspiration for the book and movie The Beach . Julia hits Manila and samples a local delicacy called balut , made of fertilized duck egg. Travel writing is not a job, it's an adventure.
For the devoted indoor-outdoor enthusiast, this weekend's must-see event is Man Vs. Wild (Sunday, Discovery at 9 p.m.). In a special episode, survivalist host Bear Grylls is accompanied by comic actor Will Ferrell on a trek into the ice-bound mountain and glacier ranges located in northernmost Sweden. It's quite the sleepover.
Of course, the program is partly a clever movie promotion - Ferrell's latest comedy epic, Land of the Lost , opens in theatres today - but Grylls is not the sort to allow foolish behaviour on his watch. The ex-Special Forces soldier briefs Ferrell on the extreme conditions they'll face in the sub-zero terrain. Ferrell's only edge is sound physical conditioning - he regularly runs triathalons - and the fact he's married to a Swedish woman.
To his credit, Ferrell acquits himself nicely on the trip. The pair slide into the frigid region on a helicopter zip cord and are soon climbing trees and rappelling down frozen waterfalls. Grylls teaches Ferrell how to make snowshoes from saplings, in order to stay atop the waist-deep snow. Ferrell mostly maintains his trademark sense of humour, but occasionally a look of terror flashes across his face.
The best moments come at mealtime. There are obviously no food stores in the area, which means the pair are forced to forage for food, as Grylls does in every episode of Man vs. Wild .
The wilderness odd couple spend their first night in a cave, where Grylls cooks the eyeballs taken from the head of a reindeer carcass. Ferrell says the eyeballs taste "like a gelatinous piece of rock," but he still gets them down. For a comedian, Ferrell is one tough customer.