I first heard about retirement coaching on a visit ten years ago to Owen Sound, Ont., to speak at a local library and check out the city as a potential landing spot for downsizing retirees. While there, I had a coffee with a local resident named Mariella Hoy to hear about her work as a retirement coach. As you can see in the column I wrote, she made some sensible suggestions for making a successful relocation. A couple of months ago, I heard from Ms. Hoy again. She has a new book out called Lessons Learned in Retirement: Retiring with purpose and passion, and wondered if I’d be interested in writing about it. Here’s a Q&A based on the exchange we had by e-mail:
Q: Mariella, can you tell us a bit about yourself and how you came to write a book about retirement?
A: After attaining an MBA, I worked with IBM and in public health. It wasn’t until I was 50 years old that I discovered my niche as a life coach. (I confess, I’ve never reconciled myself to the arrogance of the title Life Coach.) I trained at Adler International Learning through the University of Toronto and then spent over a decade working with people who were figuring what they wanted to be when they grew up, what they wanted to do with their talents.
I soon realized that the life transition into retirement was causing a lot of grief for a lot of people. So, I dug into the literature about aging well, happiness and well-being. I interviewed those nearing retirement to see what they needed, and developed a retirement workshop that focused solely on the emotional and social challenges of retirement. Along with that, I collected about 100 tales from those already retired, in which they described particular challenges they experienced in retirement. And I coached many people close to retirement. Knowing I’d be retiring soon, I decided to put all I’d learned into a book.
Q: Can you explain what retirement coaches do?
A: If you were my client, we would collaborate to make your stated retirement goals (as well as your silent wishes) work for you in retirement. Every person is different and every retirement is unique. You might set a goal of developing a new competency or passion in your retirement, so that you still feel alive, relevant and challenged. Or you may want to find a group of like-minded individuals to replace your friends who are still working. You might be struggling with sudden retirement due to health conditions and are looking for ways to adjust to your new limitations. The coaching process explores these goals, helps you create insights and locks those insights into an action plan.
Q: When you were retirement coaching, what did you charge clients?
A: My fee for retirement coaching ranged, over the years, from $75 per hour to $175 per hour.
Q: I see that there is a Retirement Coaches Association, with a listing of members in Canada as well as the United States. What suggestions do you have for finding a retirement coach?
A: If you are looking for a retirement coach, I suggest finding someone who has certification through an accredited school. Check out the International Coach Federation (ICF), or organizations such as Certified Coaches Federation, Adler International Learning, Rhodes Wellness College and others.
Q: What are some pre-retirement early warning signs you might not make a graceful transition into retirement?
A: One early warning sign is that you’ve only ever worn one hat for the past many years – your work hat. I spoke with a man who had only ever been a lawyer – no other activities outside of work. I talked with another fellow who was retiring, had no partner or children, no friends, no hobbies, and he was moving to a new city. These are warning signs that adjusting to retirement may be a rocky road.
Many people can’t wait for retirement. They can’t understand why anyone would be hesitant or troubled by the prospect. Too often, however, some of these people fall into a long period of disorientation after the honeymoon phase. They have no purpose, no routines in place, their job was their identity, and they are suddenly, inexplicably, feeling an ache for something they can’t quite express.
It is also important to note that the top predictor of how well we will adjust to our new retired state is called “conditions of exit.” The conditions of exit from our career are things like choosing our retirement date, having a phased retirement, having time to prepare, going to a retirement workshop, talking to our financial advisor, being given a retirement party and feeling valued as we leave. But here’s the rub. A startling percentage of people retire unexpectedly. They have little or no control over their conditions of exit.
Q: For boomers, a generation with a lot of its self-worth tied up in work, what are your thoughts on a phased retirement where possible? Five working days per week down to two or three, for example?
A: A phased retirement is an excellent way to ease into your new life. When we retire, we leave behind our identity as it was in our careers – labelled, measured, respected and rewarded by the external world. By phasing out of our careers, we can gradually let go of the work world’s success yardsticks, which measure size of salary, titles, promotions, number of publications, performance appraisals, billing rate, hours billed, overtime worked, size of investment portfolio, types of cars, amount spent on vacations and years of employment. And just as gradually, we can build our own measures and understanding of what fulfills us. We can recreate our identity gradually.
Q: What if someone sees retirement as a big, empty Outlook calendar? What are some building blocks for filling out the days?
A: I’m always sad when I hear about people in retirement trying to fill their days. Retirement is a time for finding delight! For new adventures. For freedom and carefreeness. There are many building blocks for happiness. In my book I focus on three:
- Purpose: Knowing which of our talents we want to share – that is, enjoying helping at least one person beyond ourselves.
- Passion: Taking on challenges and developing skills doing something we enjoy. This will give us opportunities to experience flow more often – the sense of being in the zone or deeply immersed in a passion – and to grow and become more complex human beings.
- People: Connecting closely with at least three to five people. If possible, having one particularly close relationship – in which we rely on the other person, and they on us – in a healthy and loving way.
Q: You mention in that book that you’re 66 – what’s your plan for retiring?
A: Time has flown by and I’m now 67 years old. I phased into retirement when I decided during the pandemic that my retirement workshops didn’t suit a virtual platform. Then I stopped coaching. So now I’m dipping my toe into full retirement and am excited about the possibilities.
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Rob’s personal finance reading list
There are no money-back guarantees in dating
A discussion of dating etiquette in the age of dating apps. The starting point is a story about a woman who went on a first date with a guy who paid for drinks. After she declined a second date, this classy fellow asked for reimbursement for the cost of her drinks. Now for an advice column that covers a reader who is so in debt, they’re afraid to date.
The kitchen choice that can sabotage resale value
Dark-coloured kitchen cabinets are a turnoff, according to experts. Most people prefer light colours.
How we rank as savers
We Canadians are below average as savers on a global scale, but quite comparable to other industrialized countries. Savings rates are still elevated compared to pre-pandemic levels, which is good.
Best credit cards to use at Sobey’s, Safeway and more
Another in the RewardsCanada series on best credit cards to use at various grocery and retail stores to maximize reward points. This one covers grocery stores in the Empire family, including Sobey’s Safeway, FreshCo, Foodland and IGA.
Tools, Explainers, Guides and Charts
A budget travel expert on saving money at Disney World
The Money-Free Zone
The world has enough mediocre blues rock, but there’s always room for songs like Cry by Thornetta Davis. Ms. Davis is Detroit’s Queen of the Blues.
On social media
Which demographic do you think has the highest mortgage delinquency rate? I guarantee you’ll be surprised.
What I’ve been writing about
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More Rob Carrick and money coverage
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Even more coverage from Rob Carrick:
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- 📈 Investing: Canada's top digital broker is TD Direct Investing, with an assist from the TD Easy Trade app • 2023 Globe and Mail ETF buyer's guide part one: Canadian equity ETFs • For the ultimate in cheap investing, check out the Freedom .08 ETF Portfolio • Yes, there is risk in Canadian bank deposits for the unwary and complacent • CDIC covers bank deposits, but who protects your investments if your broker goes bust? • Answers to your questions about the low-risk ETF paying almost 5% • Happy fifth birthday to one of the all-time best investing products for everyday people • An investing strategy that wins cleanly over the long term by outperforming in bad years like 2022
- 💰 Your money: Mortgage holders, savers and GIC investors, it’s time to change your thinking on interest rates • How much debt is each generation of Canadians carrying, and how do you compare? • For the sake of their financial futures, young people should leave Toronto and Vancouver • This practical new spin on a savings account might just peel you away from your big bank • Rental fraud grows amid rise in fake, falsified tenant applications • Are Canadians worse off financially now than in the 1980s? • From groceries to auto loans, here’s how much more it costs to live right now • When saving for retirement, should you change your asset mix over the course of your career? • Do retirement income needs always rise alongside inflation? Not necessarily • When the bank suggests you lock in your variable rate mortgage, it has an angle
Rob Carrick