The boat's arrival at the private-island resort of Petit St. Vincent coincides cinematically with the setting sun. From a distance, those silhouettes on the dock might as well be Tattoo and Mr. Roarke encouraging the assembled to don "smiles, everyone, smiles!"
The reality, however, is just as impressive as any episode of Fantasy Island. Several neatly turned-out staff members are on hand, bearing pina coladas for me to sip while they transfer my luggage to a golf cart for the short drive to my cottage.
My driver, Maurice, gives me a quick tour: "Up there is the restaurant and lounge," he says, pointing toward a glowing, thatched building at the top of a manicured hill. "And here is where you can pick up snorkelling equipment, sea kayak and water skis."
With the last sip of my drink comes a revelation: I should definitely make private-island vacations a yearly -- if not a weekly -- habit. Aside from being outrageously enjoyable (and far removed from the all-inclusive tourist throngs), regular sorties to these single-resort isles would take care of Valentine's Day, March Break and New Year's Eve in one fabulous fell swoop.
Given my modest means, however, I figure the best way to achieve this state of semi-permanent vacation is to offer solace to a wealthy divorcée or widow -- or to join the entourage of one of Petit St. Vincent's many famous guests. After all, several members of Britain's Royal Family, rockers such as U2, and movie heartthrobs like Johnny Depp have all stayed here.
Lacking the god-given charm of a Cary Grant or the wiles of a Tom Ripley, I consider my best bet to be a display of physical virtuosity. As a teenager, I was fairly adept at slalom waterskiing, and although it has been years, I assume it's just like riding a bike. My plan: Careen back and forth in full view of the rich and famous sitting at the oceanfront cabana bar, who will recognize me as an invaluable life companion (or at least a skilled water-sports coach).
After three failed attempts at mastering the single ski, I opt for the far-less-glamorous two-board approach. Hunched over and wobbling, I am dragged around the bay until my arms are aching and my legs numb. Finally, after one especially scathing face-first plunge, I resign myself to making the most of my current visit.
But a little research reveals that befriending the glitterati isn't -- thankfully -- the only way to land a private-island getaway. The proliferation and development of these secluded resorts in recent years has yielded a wider range of accommodations, which attract not only Oscar-winners and billionaires, but also discriminating holidaymakers who don't earn seven figures:
Petit St. Vincent
When American entrepreneur Haze Richardson first sailed to PSV in 1964, it was uninhabited -- except for an abundance of carib grackles, bananaquits and the occasional poisonous tree. But Richardson decided to buy the island anyway, and through perseverance and years of hard work he transformed raw paradise into a haven for dedicated idlers.
If ever there was a place to perfect the art of doing nothing, this is it. Each of the 22 cottages features a spacious living room with a dining table and a low couch facing a veranda. Bedrooms house beds so heaped with softness that a little set of steps is placed beside them during turndown service. The expansive bathrooms, meanwhile, include a dressing area with his and hers sinks separated from the shower by palm-woven swinging doors.
With no TVs or telephones in the cottages, room service is arranged using an ingenious flag system: Raise the red one and you will be left in complete solitude; raise the yellow and a staff member will arrive post-haste.
The island also has its own fruit and vegetable garden, and local fishermen bring lobster, bonito and other seafood every day. Once a week, PSV hosts a beachside barbecue with beef imported from Boston.
Of course, guests occasionally want for something beyond the confines of a hammock. A host of activities are available for those moments, including tennis, kayaking, sailing and the aforementioned waterskiing.
The snorkelling around the island is very good too. Or guests can arrange to be taken to nearby Petit St. Richardson -- more of a sandbar, really, with just a single palm-frond umbrella -- for even better sea-life-spotting opportunities and a picnic lunch.
Mustique
Lord Glenconner (otherwise known as Colin Tennant) founded this elite, 567-hectare West Indies colony in 1958 and began offering lots for sale to his privileged and celebrated friends. Princess Margaret was among the most famous residents, while Mick Jagger and Tommy Hilfiger still keep houses here.
Most of the private houses are available to rent, including the Princess's former home Jolie Eaux for $25,000 a week. Relatively speaking, then, Jagger's pad, Stargroves, seems a bargain at $12,600 (but Mick needs to give you the okay ahead of time).
Mustique is also home to what is considered by many to be one of the most exclusive hotels in the Caribbean: the Cotton House. This 20-room oasis was a cotton warehouse and sugar mill in the 18th century, until famed British set designer Oliver Messel redesigned and restored the buildings in the 1960s.
Necker Island
Rather than sharing an island with other guests, regardless of how famous or wealthy they are, some billionaires prefer to have their very own.
Richard Branson's Necker Island is a 30-hectare hideaway in the British Virgin Islands that, by virtue of its exclusivity, has attracted the likes of Steven Spielberg, Harrison Ford, Robert De Niro, Oprah Winfrey and Mel Gibson as guests.
Necker has four houses, each designed in a Balinese style, and the island can accommodate up to 28 guests at a time. The entire island is usually rented out by families, businesses or stars and their entourages, but for several weeks out of the year -- the so-called "celebration weeks" -- individual rooms can be had.
Peter Island
The British Virgin Islands are also home to Peter Island, a 647-hectare private resort owned by billionaire Amway co-founders Jay Van Andel and Richard DeVos.
One half of the island consists of an exclusive yacht club, where some of the most expensive yachts in the world find harbour. The rest features a 53-room resort with rooms facing either Sprat Bay, Sir Francis Drake Channel or Deadman's Beach.
There are also four private and exclusive hillside villas here, ranging from the three-bedroom Hawk's Nest to the vast 11,000-square-foot, six-bedroom Raven's Nest villa that comes with its own valet, chef, housekeeper and chauffer.
Dining options include the Tradewinds Restaurant and the more casual Deadman's Beach Bar and Grill.
Cayo Espanto
Owner Jeff Gram, a wealthy real-estate developer, has transformed this tiny 1.6-hectare island off the coast of Belize into an exclusive resort. When he purchased the island, it was little more than a sandbar. But he proceeded to dredge enough sand to raise the island by more than a metre and imported soil to plant upward of 60 trees.
Cayo Espanto has no bar, no lobby and no dining room -- only five private cabanas, each with their own plunge pool.
A butler is assigned to each visitor, however, and meals are planned in collaboration with the island's private chef. Cabanas also feature such luxuries as private docks, al fresco showers, Egyptian-cotton sheets and exotic hardwood furniture.
Parrot Cay
This 405-hectare resort in Turks and Caicos is owned by Christina Ong, who also owns the Halkin and Metropolitan hotels in London, the Metropolitan in Bangkok, Begawan Giri and Uma Ubud in Bali, Uma Paro in Bhutan, and Cocoa Island in the Maldives.
At Parrot Cay, there are 56 rooms and 14 villas, plus the recent addition of a yoga retreat and holistic therapy centre that is considered the finest in the region. In addition to a wide menu of familiar spa treatments, Como Shambhala has a 540-square-foot infinity pool, a Pilates studio and such treatments as pizichili, where warm, herbal oil is poured in a continuous stream over the entire body while two therapists perform a gentle massage.
Kamalame Cay
On the condition that he would develop it, Brian Hew purchased this 39-hectare property off the coast of Andros Island on the cheap from the Bahamian government in the mid-1990s. Over six years, he built an island infrastructure and houses and took ownership in 2001.
Today, the island features a half-dozen luxurious villas ranging from the romantic one-bedroom Pigeon Plum with its Roman soaking tub to the four-bedroom, 7,500-square-foot Kamalame Cove, which sits on its own peninsula and has a heated pool and full-time kitchen and house staff. (Readers of Sports Illustrated may already be familiar with Kamalame Cay as the location for the 2005 swimsuit issue.)
A selection of intimate cottages are also available. Built from native stone, they feature large verandas, 20-foot wood-beam ceilings, and fresh cookies at turndown each night. As for the island's chef, A.J., he is also the resident tennis pro and lead singer in the local band.
Your isles only
The proliferation and development of these secluded resorts in recent years has yielded a wider range of accommodations.
Cayo Espanto: http://www.aprivateisland.com; 1-888-666-4282. Villa rates range from $1,030 to $1,785 a night. Or the entire
island costs around $11,500 a night.
Kamalame Cay: 242-368-6281; http://www.kamalame.com. Individual suites start at $650. Rates for the entire island start at $11,400 a day.
Parrot Cay: parrotcay.como.bz; 649-946-7788. Rooms start at $450, beach villas from $1,520.
Peter Island Resort: http://www.peterisland.com; 1-800-346-4451. Rooms start at $650, villas at $3,800.
Necker Island: http://www.necker.com; 1-800-557-4255. House rentals cost $54,500 a night for up to 14 guests. Individual rooms are $24,750 a week per couple during "celebration weeks."
Cotton House Resort:
http://www.cottonhouseresort.com; 310-440-4225. Rates start at $530 for cottages and run up to $2,700 for two-bedroom residences.
Petit St. Vincent Resort: http://www.psvresort.com; 1-800-654-9326. Cottages range from $670 to $1,045 a night.