Sheila de la Varende.The Globe and Mail
Sheila de la Varende: Walker. Adventurer. Culture champion. Mother. Born Oct. 03, 1960, in Edmonton; died Nov. 21, 2017, in Montreal; of physician-assisted death; aged 57.
Beauty is a word that defined Sheila from the moment of birth. Her mother was fond of telling the story of how the doctor who delivered her said, “She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.”
The family moved to Ottawa in 1964, where Sheila was enrolled in the French Lycée in Grade 1. Effortlessly multilingual, she chose a career in arts and culture, always surrounded herself with talented and creative people and lived and worked in Paris and Montreal, cities defined by their beauty and style.
Our father’s pet name for Sheila was Princess, and if it’s true that parents set the bar for their children, then it should be no surprise that she married French count François de La Varende, thus becoming a countess. When they met, François was working as a waiter in Ottawa. She was immediately struck by his European heritage and his innate charm, but as their courtship progressed, she was won over by his warmth, culinary flair, artistic vision and perhaps his château in the countryside of France. They lived in Ottawa for several years, where their son, Emmanuel, was born in 1992. They remained married until Sheila’s death but lived separately when they moved to Paris. Sheila ran the Telefilm Paris operation for 10 years before she returned to Montreal with Emmanuel and ultimately became Telefilm’s director of international promotion.
Sheila was adventurous and went on guided desert treks in Mauritania, Egypt and Jordan, sometimes sleeping under the stars with just a sleeping bag despite the worry of venomous creepy crawlies. She loved walking, few could keep up with her pace. Her endless power walks through Montreal meant she knew where to find the best … anything. Grocery shopping was complicated with Sheila; you couldn’t buy your baguette and your croissant from the same bakery.
Sheila, a non-smoker, was diagnosed with lung cancer in early 2011 and after surgery her prognosis looked optimistic. In 2015, the cancer returned and it had spread. But she never languished under the weight of her illness. Sheila loved life and wanted to live it to the fullest. She expressed herself through photography, a new-found passion and found beauty in rusty fences and patterns in flaking paint. Small, ordinary things, which she posted on Instagram and prepared for a showing in her home.
Sheila went through so much in those last four to five months of her illness. She planned her memorial service but called it a “gratitude” because of her immense appreciation for those who helped her leave at home by assisted death.
Even on her very last day, she showed determination, poise and exacting attention to detail. Sheila died in the best way possible with dignity and purpose, and surrounded by those she loved and cherished and who loved and cherished her in return.
Kathleen Waxer is Sheila’s sister.
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